Say what you feel and say it with feelings...

A couple of days ago I was having a very interesting conversation with a friend in regards to 'men' and 'women' and how we are ultimately searching for the same thing on this planet of ours, yet, it's become so difficult to find that one match, the one person (besides from family and friends) who gets you, who really gets you and that likes YOU and all that YOU are.

Ciccio has been a “dater” for as long as I remember and he was mentioning that he has even forgotten how to be in a relationship with a woman, something that lasts longer then 9 weeks. He’s ready. He’s longing now for that one particular woman who can keep his attention, for longer, much longer than that. He wants to be in love and wants someone who fits with him spiritually and can give him wild, passionate sex as well. He mentioned this one girl he really liked more than the “others” but had been foolish enough to let her slip away because at the time quantity mattered more then quality. He was too blind to see what was right in front of him and now he seems to have regained his sight. Now he feels regret! He’s tired of the constant dating and meaningless sex which lacks passion and true intimacy as when you really care about someone. He wants to find ‘the one’.

So he has decided that he's going to try and win back “the one” he let slip away and I really hope this time she’s not the blind one though being a woman myself, I wouldn't blame her if she slams the door in his face. However, I know him (Ti voglio bene Ciccio) and I know he's an amazing guy. Timing and pride always seem to be in the way and that's unfortunate in most cases. Of course I gave him some major pointers as to how he could win her back, and with his persistence, his charm, his beautiful eyes and my divine advice I have no doubt she may give him a second chance. She better otherwise I'll have to buy him the most expensive dinner ever and then marry him;)

There is truly nothing better and more comforting to have those heart-to-heart conversations with those you hold close to you. We empower one another and remind ourselves why after all this time, we're still friends and continue to need each other. We can openly talk and share our most intimate thoughts, fears, desires, and never ever judge, but rather be thankful for the love we share.

I think it's always interesting when I have certain debates/conversations with my "male" friends in regards to ‘why men do this’ and ‘why women do that’. I guess it helps to put things into a better perspective when we share a little more insight about each others' species. We (women/men) are poles apart from one another and you certainly need all the help you can get. It’s kind of like having surgery without getting your anesthetic first (ok, odd comparison but that's all I could come up with right now).

I remembered too of 'he' who may have been my "one", and wondered at times if I had let him slip away. Hard to believe, but I can be a fool occasionally (rarely of course). I still remember the day I met him, they way he looked at me, how his eyes fiercely penetrated the surface of my body and then slid from the top to the bottom. How his lips would get incredibly moist every time he looked at mine, and how mine longed to feel his, if even for just a split second. How we’d sit and talk for hours about nothing or something and it didn’t matter because we enjoyed each others’ voice and silence, silly jokes, and he even thought my snorting (while laughing out loud) was cute. I think that was truly the hardest time of my life. I couldn't act on what I was feeling. I was being tested and I sometimes wonder if I made a mistake. I had met someone so right for me but the timing was wrong, not to mention the circumstances could not allow it and my morals, integrity and will power played a key role. I guess we didn't exactly let each other slip away; we just had to be responsible and make a decision that benefited others at the time and put ourselves, our cravings and needs, our desires and dreams on the side. I often think of him and when we exchange an email every few months just to say ‘hi’ ‘how are you?’ - I still wonder….

On the other hand, I also realize that I may simply not have met the 'one', because if I had then I'd be with him right now! Now that I don't have to put myself in a secondary place and I can finally give in to my needs, my cravings, my ultimate fantasies and desires, and give all that I have to give (which is a hell of a lot….) I find myself believing that "the one" may not actually exists. So? Do you settle for other amazing possibilities? Because God knows, there are plenty out there! Or do you try and reach for the sky? Well, I am a day-dreamer and in Marianna’s land the sky is not unreachable...in fact….I can almost touch it right now;)

Ciccio says that I don't trust people. I trust people; only sometimes we put our trust in the wrong hands and become too often disappointed. I guess I trust people but it takes me a little extra time. Regardless, I may have a hard time with trusting people but I sure have a good time with sarcasm and making fun of all that comes my way. However, I've been working on taming it back a little - sarcasm is not always appreciated the way it should. I think too often we miss the very art of it and I'm an artistic soul at heart;)

Anyway, I found a poem (I know...another poem - Yikes) and I absolutely love it. It reminds me of who I am today and that no matter what kind of hits or punches I take, I'm still happy and not longer jaded, and I will never take myself, you, or life for granted.


The Joy of Living

I will sing it-
The melody of beautiful living!
I will smile
For my thoughts are of tomorrow
My eyes fixed on the rainbows of the distant future
Fixed on what lies beyond the pains of reality

Hearts beating high with expectation
Bringing joy and comfort to friends-
Young people, you are my faith

I have no cold tears
I do not pass my life in silence
I am not bound by any tragic fate
No weep tale is mine
But with my friends
Shining brightly race through a beautiful landscape
Where rapturous scenes unfold

There are gardens overflowing with life
There are roads
There are hills

There are fairy tale lands
Bathed in moonlight
That no one knows of
There are lovely rivers
Palaces of crystal-
In the depths of my heart
Forever a golden sun is shining

Youth is the pulsing blood
That changes all to joy
Youth is the golden bell
That resounds through all things

Those who uphold
The joy of living
Are queens of good fortune
Those who can discover
The joy of living
Are victors of the spirit