On Top of Mt. Doug

2006 In review on top of Mt. Doug

I'm on top of Mt. Doug, and I have the best seat in the house. I'm facing the ocean and the mountains and the world right now seems so calm and peaceful which makes it that much harder to believe that elsewhere it's a whole other story. Last week I got myself a laptop and I finally decided to test this baby out so I decided to come up on top of Mt. Doug for a little solitude and a little 'playing'. Already I can see how this is going to become a very dangerous addiction. I foresee myself doing a lot of this - going to places away from traffic noises, people and buildings where I can be alone with my thoughts and write, write, write. Woo hoo, I'm in heaven!

There is no one around right now, just little me; nature; birds and bees; ants who seems to find a way to crawl in and out my shirt; Barry White and this spectacular/breathtaking view! Ok, I have to say I'm no pot head (well not anymore anyway), but boy a little toke sure would make this particular moment a heck of a lot sweeter. I so need to be stoned!

The wind caressing my face and waving my hair around feel sooooo damn good. I'm holding on to this feeling for as long as I can...I so needed this. Of course when you're surrounded by all this beauty you can't help it but be inspired and get a little philosophical, and think a little deeper than you normally would.

So the deep thought right now is: where am I in life and how did I get here?
Well, I certainly know how I got here and it wasn't by a first class flight, in fact I'd compare it more to hanging on the wing of a very slow and beat up airplane that barely made the landing, but nonetheless, it landed. However, I can say confidently without a doubt, that I would do it all over again just to feel the way I am feeling this exact moment. By no means I'm the happiest girl on earth, specifically since these last few days have been very trying for me and I've been feeling a sense of loss and disappointment (I heard that George Clooney is gay) but of course these are also the moments in life that make us stop and think who we are, how strong we are and how lovely it is to be inside the liquor store;) If there is one thing I'm certain of right now it is that I've come a long way to become the person I am, love and appreciate (yes, with all my quirkiness as well as my not-so-good qualities-which are very few of course).

I guess this year started a little on the rocky side but I came out of it pretty good and with only a few scratches which are now completely healed, of course, we do have another 5 months or so to go before the end of 2006;) My divorce which ironically enough was effective on my birthday (May 19) gave me a sense of peace, and along with that came the feeling that I could finally move on, and so I did. Yes, I have a marriage on my shoulder but no regrets whatsoever and leaving him was the right decision for me. It wasn't easy and I was incredibly scared but I did it and I have never looked back. I have absolutely no regrets.

This year I also became a Canadian citizen and though [I will admit] I decided to do it primarily for convenience (so I didn't have to renew my Italian passport every time since it's truly a pain in the ass) I found myself, on the day I actually took my oath at the Governor house, feeling 'funny' inside. Everyone knows I don't cry easily but that day, I could've sworn a tear was about to slide out of my eye. I felt emotional and happy; I am now a Canadian. Of course, my roots, my love and passion come first and foremost from my bella Italia, but I couldn't be happier to also add Canada in my heart as it has certainly become a love of mine. For so long I had this 'love/hate affair with Canada and I guess It took me a long time to get here and learn to love this country, but I do, I really do. I guess the main reason why I struggled for so long was because so soon after I moved here my beautiful sister Chicca died and those were the darkest days of my life. The first days in Canada were the most horrible and I felt pain I didn't know I would ever feel. I guess I had to place the blame somewhere, and I so I blamed this country. I realized it was wrong but with time and maturity we learn to see things under a completely different light. I often wonder what she would be like today - with such outgoing and funny personality at the tender age of 2 and a half, I can only imagine she would have been the light of my life. I miss her!

All in all, I can comfortably say that I am today a pretty happy gal. I could use a few things (like......) but I can't complain. Looking back at the sad/tragic moments in my life (and there have been a few) I have learned that you need to move on and not dwell on the past but rather remember the happy times and there are plenty. I guess the key is realizing and accepting that life can't be happy all the time, (just turn on the news). It's ok to remember the sadder times in our lives as long as we dont'let them control our present and our future.

I can make myself have a miserable day as well as a fantastic one, only I have that power and although we often give that power to others, sometimes being the circumstances surrounding us, only we can turn things around. And so today I decided that I am going to have a fantastic day, and so far so good!